Clouds that get in my way

I make the lousiest EMO –  when staring into nothingness, storms raging outside my bungalow, trying to tell the scared little girl in me that it’s ok to believe in dreams –  I listen to tragic 80’s songs:

                
 	You ask me where to begin  -	Am I so lost in my sin?
	You ask me where did I fall?     -    I’ll say I can’t tell you when
	But if my spirit is lost - How will I find what is near?
	Don’t question I’m not alone.
	Somehow I’ll find my way home.
 	My sun shall rise in the east.  So shall my heart be at peace
	And if you’re asking me when. I’ll say it starts at the end
	You know your will to be free, Is matched with love secretly
	And talk will alter your prayer, Somehow you’ll find you are there.
 	Your friend is close by your side, And speaks in far ancient tongue.
	A season's wish will come true. All seasons begin with you.
	One world we all come from. One world we melt into one.
 	Just hold my hand and we’re there. Somehow we’re going somewhere.
	Somehow we’re going somewhere.

 Getting in this morning and reading your comments is a big help!!!! Thank you and hugs to you all!!!!!

 And I figure if nothing else: if it all turns to custard, it’ll make for some interesting blog!

 sunrise 22 nov 07  See what this morning looked like? 

It goes with the photo of last night. dump trucks and storm clouds

I was once again absolutely drenched and shivering by the time I got home.

crew at pre-startThe clouds you can see over the crew here came down and we had a BOG this morning.my muddy safety boots Thats me sitting in 3points (I’ve named my Triton “3points”) My feet dont touch the ground….

So…..I’ve made the decision. I’ve told those people who need to be told. They took it with a bit of shock but for the ones who have been grumpy with me over the past few months.. it did make it easier.

It’s been some hard phone calls today and there’s some more — not nastiness — just that feeling of dislocation as I finish here, finish with the Navy and  pack up the apartment I do enjoy and: move.

The biggest thing I’m trying to work out is: what do I actually need, and what can I put into storage ??

Ok.. furniture : DONT NEED.  Thats a given.

Appliances: they can all go into storage. Except the Computer which will go to the Parents and Laptop 1 will come with me. Laptop 2 will get returned (so no more pictures of me waving at you – and I just tried to take one of me waving and in a moment worthy of HEX – I got a “Divide by Zero Error : Redo From Start” message hence the bizarre look on my face).what was that?

 Though the sewing machine that does not work probably should go to be fixed J BTW I said yesterday I don’t work for Roche – I don’t, I just wear a jacket that has Roche on it.

Clothes. And I have a lot. I really don’t need as much uniform any more so I can get rid of some of the basic shirts etc. I will probably keep out on or two  of my business suits to wear when needing to look grown up. Horsy clothes (jodhs etc) those’ll need to be at M_F’s For the rest of it : just basics.

Books: I have LOTS. (Does this surprise you? ) Not many I need.  Storage.

You’re waiting for me to say the “y” word aren’t you?

Green Car. He’ll get freighted down and put into a garage so he’s there when I need him.

Ok.

YARN.

Just thinking about it.

I have 37 plastic drawers. 6 Sea grass drawers. A microwave cardboard box, 3 rolly Tubs and a large bag.  Some free range that needs a home.


Oh.. and another large plastic bag I had to be creative with the other day when being “tidy”. 
Of yarn.

Then I have :Beads. Ribbons. Ribbon Flowers.

 Etc

Etc

This – coupled with the pattern books is what I am struggling with in terms of separation anxiety.

How do i this?

Canberra and Sydney Royals are both in the early part of the year. I know what classes I want to enter. I need to work out EXACTLY what yarn I will need for each project. Working on the NEW RULE that I am to use up existing yarn. The goal is to have enough saved to buy my farm next year.  

The $40 a day mohair habit has to go.

Really.

I can give it up any time I like.

(See –  mohair sectionthis blanket I worked on last night?  Using up my yarn!!!)

I will work out how much I need.. and when… and work my way through each project sending them back and forth between Canberra and the new location. (I’m not going to tell you where it is just yet. Kris knows but she is sworn to absolute secrecy otherwise all her yarn will disintegrate). She might tell you how far away it is though (Very far from Canberra).

I will be systematic.

I will be organised.

Ok… you can stop laughing now.

The rest will go into storage with Green Car so its ready when I need it. 

I’m glad you like this colour scheme better. I have found out how to alter the templates now, I just need more than my allotted internet window  to do it in.  So we’ll eventually hit on the Baby bar Combination. (Yes. Baby Bear… Baby Bear’s stuff was always “Just right”).

Something that is not “Just Right”

dump trucks crashed into one another This is in Indonesia again. And things have gone really badly for at least two people. 

Anyway.. two weeks until we’ll be on a plane and my heart will be beating faster than it is now about what comes next.

Hugs to you all!!!!

~ by SB&C on November 22, 2007.

4 Responses to “Clouds that get in my way”

  1. Hi Man
    You’ve got the song in your head and heart and you can safely take that leap because everything is pointing you in that direction. The cape will hold – it’s most likely a mohair afghan anyway.

    Kris – I have been around – but communication between Manda and me over the last few days has been by phone – lots of discussion and lots of (contained at the moment) excitement.

    We’re all on your side Manda – go for it, kid!
    love
    me
    PS _ I’m even prepared to give up a spare room to mind the stash and then dole it out as required! Hmmm – now there’s a bit of power I could wield… 🙂

  2. Um, I hope you’re not implying there’s anything *wrong* with tragic 80s songs? 🙂

    Now the decisions have been made and the ball has started rolling, I hope it’s a sign of a more positive time with lots of “happy-excitement” for you.

    Not every mum would be willing to mind the Stash, seems you’ve got a good one there!

    — Michelle

  3. I love a happy ending..and glad you are going closer to home..it’s what I was rooting for, was I obvious?

    You must take one photo a month of MF in various hats for the blog..maybe sell a calander..

    anyway good luck, it’s all going to work out, and as Bon Jovi says..”who says you can’t go home” I think you’re very blessed..

    hope you get the package before you move

    take care
    Canadian Barb

  4. my lips are sealed and noone can get it out of me! i am happy and anxious for you all at the same time. as i read your blog my stomach has butterflies in it! i wish i was there with you to hold your hand and make the adjustment just a little easier!

    m_f giving up a spare room for stash? ummmm what does f_f think of that? i hope there is a bed for manda when she comes home to you once a month until the farm!!!!!! oh wait all the stash is probably soft enough for a bed no? and manda if you really want to get rid of it some i would be happy to use it – opps i meant hold on to it for you! i am glad she has you!!!!! maybe i should send your package to m_f instead of new home? hmmmm….

    but i think m_f just made your decision on stash a little easier! the next couple of weeks will be weird at work – but you will survive!

    so lets grab ahold of each other and jump in with both feet – we will catch each other if we fall!!!!!!

    hugs
    k

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